Archive for October, 2011

By definition, guy supposedly attracted to girls because they are meant to live with each other.

I disagree.

Well, I dont know how things work actually, since i have this philophobia: a type of fear that hampers me from falling in love with anyone, by means of love affection.
Ive read this book, entitled ‘The Success System That Never Fails’ by W.Clement Stone.

HE said tht:

Thinking won’t overcome your fear, Action will.

Reading this, i laughed hard.


since if i need to put love into action for my case, does tht means tht for my next love, i have to, or to put it precisely, i am obliged to love truthfully my next love, and for tht purpose, i need to make her my wife??

Oh, no i won’t. No thank you.

Infatuation, yes.
Shrewd? OFF COURSE! ( that is to say, i am straight, lol)

Back to the main idea, i simply don’t love now, because of my previous action tht make me look somehow stupid, lame and i hate myself because of that action of mine.

The case now is,
i might repeat my mistakes again, although i understand very much wht the fuck is happening right now.
well yeah, i am not that immune to girls affection, mostly when it comes to

by the bless and grace of God, I hope he bestow me with his blessing so tht i shall not stray from this path, and HE have mercy on me so that i can keep
focusing myself on something important, and halt myself from involving into this trivial relationship, that come out from this kind of feelings.

One thing about me that i bet people don’t know and perhaps never trust is:

one of the reason i dont judge is because i hate surprising things. I hate it when my judgement, or when i think i am clairvoyant, my belief betray me.


i don’t write this. i just copy and pasted it.

When things in your life seem, almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
And proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

‘Now,’ said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things – family,
children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions –
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else –The small stuff.

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ He continued,
there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.


Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

‘Take care of the golf balls first —
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled
‘I’m glad you asked’.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
There’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.’

Please share this with other “Golf Balls” ,you’ll alwayz be my special golf ball even if we fight n i loose u bye

I am saddened by the fact that something that have been jotted down about 3 decades ago by the malaysia 4th prim minister , or to date have become the 1stchanselor of universiti perdana  tend to repeat.

I am seriously disappointed by the fact that my fellow people didn’t have or perhaps lacks, which by somehow quite awful when it comes to a serious issues that can actually shows or depict our nation future: punctuality.

like i mean, seriously if class started at 9, why would they never bother to come early as possible? what make me so baffled and disappointed with their attitude is not because of the lateness to class, they make jokes about it and seriously, everything  seems so leisure. tangibly, times is not important at all, to them.

the question is, why?

they have the knowledge, the basic, the doctrines inside of their malfunctioned cerebrum of the brain and indeed, everything still turns to waste.

I do compare, and let says it about chinese. they emerge, so well not in their own nation, but my fellow race. sadly, when it comes to the rescue ,ones who almost every time salvage my race are no least, its them!


and the racist, and those who always talks about negativity, and politics and relate it to the doctrines and religious values are always my guys, malays!

preposterously, i am totally deluged, with a little of these satire values.

Indeed, i cant deny the facts that i also lived with  them before, and turns out to be the same as them before. Don’t judge, remember?

yes, alter -ego do exist in my soul, actually and yes, i need to breath deeper and delve deeper in faith sense.

some might care and read this thought of mine, which can cater some of ‘my fellow haters’ but still- satisfaction is not the things i want to bold here.

It’s faith, trust, and to this case, its personal values.

Love- is still cant be described, till now. For that,
thanks ,coursemates! u make my day. ( Oh.,malays)

5th eye: What is Love?

Posted: October 13, 2011 in Uncategorized

I sensibly thought that, based from theory and some little experiences, i can already understand love, and can define it perfectly.
sadly, i’m wrong.

I started to listen these synapses  and syllables of shady’s spaz, and i find out that, my definitions have tons of flaws.

I care to say it out loud that i don’t want any lover at all, but deep inside, there’s actually a part of me that remain latent, as i don’t know how to voice it out, loud. Let say,   I think, i assume, i predict, that i have this feeling of what the dictionary call ‘affections’ towards others, but from time to time, i realize that feelings somehow is just momentary.

Stanzas by stanzas, I listen, and i cater my ears need,
All the lyrics spitted and shouted and growled, and screamed, I listen and link it to my brain.
There, i connect it to my soul, and my heart.
I’ve stumbled twice( i think) and  I seems to only stand back on my own, once and reached by my bro’s hand, once.

and to think that, i still need to reach my hand to them,and from that point, i  am able to be what I am now, although previously i keep on shitting myself saying, im a soullessloner and all other bullshits, i start to ponder….

“what is love? what is love? what is love?”

And until now, it is undefined.

As for now, things like optimism is out of my league. Why is that?
well, previously i didn’t realize and still keep this ego of mine inside of me,
saying that I don’t judge, and i doesn’t care at all.
but the truth is, i lied.
deep inside, i still blaming my past, my choices in life, others who i had involve my life with, and that tremendous regrets that happen to turn me upside down.

TO settle my self over that exaggerated self-proclaimed personality, i choose to talk less, and tell more.
‘From my eye, i define’-indeed.
but deep in my heart, i just describe it out, and hopefully  i can remains this treats, unchanged.

YES, hopefully. i don’t want to self-proclaim myself anymore. I need to be more sincere.

A fighter, a true one,
a hero, the true one-
i always believe that they give others motivations from
their acts, their words, their shared knowledge and from the affections that flows onto others heart because of their sincerity.
“Sedate, calm, alleviate.”
they are synonyms. To achieve these, I need to change, where I need to remain silent at time,  and share my opinions with the others at times.
Stop bullshittings . Lagha.

‘You see??”

This is how I am thinking right now. No ‘love’ is defined at all. Ain’t that mean, I am indeed not ready to affect my self to one?
Allah knows best.

I don’t exactly know what is the exact definition of ‘love’
but still, i do understand that i need my friends and families.
Not to depend my life on them, but to share my problems and listen to theirs,

so that ,
we can learn,
from our mistakes, and from their mistakes.
we can remind each others,
about our flaws and repeated mistakes.

and that is my definition of “sharing’.

This is my eye. and this is the 5th observations of life that i think i need to jot down here, so that i can remind myself if i tend to make mistakes. whether it is a repeated mistakes, or a new one.