Archive for December, 2011

read, laugh, scream, and jump

Posted: December 28, 2011 in Uncategorized

higher.

girls are just not meant for you boy. you should live more joyous life with your friends, and scream louder with your songs.

1st poem:alter-ego, confided

Posted: December 28, 2011 in Uncategorized

Tears,
Stigma of vilification rise from the sullen sickened blood,
well-taught of life yet drought with despair,
they choose to judge, i choose to hide
insidious nexus, seemed to blind,
every liar in despair,
without no place to lair.

Life,
domineered with guts yet, senseless
wallowing these consciences for the deplorable death of a soul,
any ghosts nor ghouls,
everything  just seems white and fair,
bloods seems white, tears seemed red.
i choose to live, with sorrow and despair.

laughter,
blindfold everyone with their own mightiness,
never defined, nor confided,
never asked, and never been told,
everything left afar, everything left unsaid,
easy to perceived, nevertheless,
will never be deceived.

howl of a lonewolf,
will whispers for eternity,
thus i define myself, as a soullessloner,
3 years i’ve tried, yet this heart throbbing so hard,
thus i listen to certain songs with screams and malice,
i can then, smile and sedate my soul with my own logic and dream.
foreveralone, pandora.

-mikhwan666, melfez, oni, xrodox, SL666-

i haven’t been back home about 3 and a half month, and kuala lumpur, the center of Malaysia have shown quite a lot of changes, and improvement.

In term of it ticketing system, somehow using coins/tokens, somehow i think system like that is cool and interesting. ( its a rapid KL improvised ticketing system)

before this, LRT are divided into two:
1) PUTRA

2) STAR

now it seems that both lines, and system have been merged together, and Kuala Lumpur seems fantastic with it.

yeah,cool.

in fact, i wonder why KTM still stick with that old system. i think, their CEO is somewhat secular, and have an orthodox mindsets.
they have been there, their commuter for sometimes now, but still, the systems have not change much, and tht’s sucks.

btw, i am saving my moneys to buy a video cam, a hightech one.
well, i love to observe people. standing and walking alone in the crowd, eavesdrop people conversation, and somehow laugh silently, if its funny, and smirk , if i tend to listen some nonsense bullshits, being exaggerated by newbies. talking shits here and shits tht.

well, my youth life, is still here. i never thought of falling in love yet, but liking some girls i think its a matter of life’s norm. guys like girls, girls like guys.  YEAH.

P/S: once i stated i ‘love’ a girl, i definitely will make her mine. yeah, marry her.haha.
but those things, still wayyy to complicated, hard, and i dont have enough money yet to support a loved girl, and then, own a family.
MY MONEY. go fuck yourself if u rely too much on your pa’s and ma’s pocket and credit card. wayy too pampered.

manja gila babi, la lahanat.enough shittalking. let’s move on.

i am not a technology savvy.

so, i admit i am quite slow with all this updated technology, including games ( i dont play any fucking  video games, and have a fetish with any. go fuck yourself with your fucking dota, boy) , mobile phone ( i even dont know wht model my nokia is, i jst use my lil sister mobile phone now, she’s got one new complicated mobile phone, so i jst use this, instead. easier, since she throw hers away, so i jst pick it up, and use it. it’s still working somehow)

and yeah, i hardly read magz talking about engines, cars, motorcycle. not my stuffs.

but i love mega building. the skills, the algorithms, its superbly fascinating.
and yeah, i love to learn some bit about human body( thts why im searching for a doc, as my wife. lol. 2 of my best friends also are docs), arts, language, and i am so in love with psychology, and understanding human behavior. so as well as economy, finance. yeah.

and programming, somehow, yes quite complicated, but if u learn the basic, and started to understand it, u may create your own games!( oh well, if i created one, im the GM, so for sure i’ll be the winner even without playing it. :D)

so, wht ive observed, in kl, especially around jln ipoh, bukit bintang, masjid jamek, jln toh sai jee, china town,yadda-yadda..

the old kuala lumpur, it’s fading.

my bro told me that, a pictures can tell thousands words. since people can percept it their own ways, once they saw it.

so, maybe later, rather than posting some bullpoops, i care to record a moving picture(videocam lah) and tag it with some words, to define wht am i actually recording, my motive and everything.

i think, somehow, by doing so, people can start understand me,

what the fuck am i actually thinking, and observing.

so that later, i wont complicate things too much.

i hate to say this, but i think, i am somehow,

quite clairvoyant.
lol.

frankly, this is my conflicts.

Posted: December 20, 2011 in Uncategorized

i want to be friends with others,
but i dont want any benefits from them.

i want to score some cool goals,
and that awesomeness is just for me,
its better if others just think of tht goals as 
some lucky strikes.

i want to do all works, all jobs,
and i hate anyone to know and realize
that ‘ im th one who’s doing all thsoe jobs” 

i want to share everything,
but i hate people to know all that knowledge come from me.

– i can stand anywhere,at any place,
– i can speak my mind on any platforms

 

– but, i dont want any of my audiences have anything to do with my personal lives.
-but, once i step down from those platforms, i jsut want to be another lone wolf,
not to be applauded.

yes, i am happy when people praise me, most of people does,

but, just a smile, and some clapping, tht’s it.

i dont want anything else.

i have so many words to say,
but no one left,

to tells.

yes, i need somebody to love.
but i choose to not let myself fall into such affections again.
i am a fatal, loyal, lover.

once committed, i give my all to it.

i hate to confess, but my affections, once committed, i’ll act sincerely,oprresively for it.
WITH LOGICS. 

i have caused  others to suffers, but i aid them back, Alhamdullillah.

i understand others too easily,
i understand others pains too easily,
i understand others emotions, others eyes,
too easily.

i dare to say tht others experiences, once the’yve shared them with me,
i  dream of it later tht night, as i’m the one who lived through it.

my heart is ‘ ice’

my smile is ‘wind’
my fist is ‘ steel’

my family is ‘water’

my dad is my flare.

 

my woman, if theres existed,

will be my “blood”

 

and i dont donate my blood that easily.
i know, its ‘rare’.

my brain?
always evolving. non stop.
puzzles? i enjoy them so much! 

foremost?

ISLAM is where i am in.still, and forever. 
i am still alive,perfectly fine.

the problem is,
my choice is that hard.

DIFFICULT.

 

niggas drink hennessy,

but tht kind off things, wont be my heresy.

i just know too much of the sacred secrets.

yeah,

i think, thats why.

and i never tell any of them to anyone.

yeah, their secrets, i never once shared.

NEVER.

yeah…. forever. 

 

 

 

 

 

trolls.

authors.

well, the typical: most of them look into petty matter and try to make jokes with them. sometimes, their punchlines are good, so
I LAUGHED. tht DOESN’T mean tht i agreed with them at all. i laugh because its funny thts it.

how many of those people who keep on talking and ranting about others, ever stand -up, facing thousands of eyes, staring and ogling at them, waiting for FLAWS, to be vilified, to be criticized?

thought that he is good, and perhaps he is good, telling others tht she tell the truth, in fact it is,

BUT

they just ponder over it, uttering and mumbling every details just within their understanding, inside the their mindfucked head.

some rage, some laugh, some never care of all those lame and inappropriate things at all.

depends. someone choice  is theirs. who are we to argue and choose for them, unless they allow us to do so. whether by non-verbal or verbal sign. ones with brain will know the exact time to say something, cleverly.

like those bots( cleverbots ).

 

I have this exp’s. well , the most is 1400+. the frst  is when im in standard 5 ( or 6) if i am not mistaken. the last, maybe less. but i do talk in front of others parents, in regards of assembling my peers, and my lecturers.

so, i believe i am in a position to talk based on their eyes, since ive looked at them, already.

first thing, i would love to say tht i am saddened by the FACT tht, many perhaps more, even those tht i looked up ,and think tht they KNOW me, had lumped me together with those typical-people. WHY????

because I choose and let it be tht way. some consciously, some unconsciously. i dare to say, since i do realize and remember like every single details of a certain matters, tht i have shared with others.

during those time, yes, i do consider them all as secrets. now, its nothing but a story which is the opposite of fabled tales, since i can remember it, just using a part of my brain, and not three, which i am very sure wht is the meaning by saying tht.

immediately, when people ask, without bothering anyhting, i will answers, and try to relate everything.

well, i do realize how fucked i am, needed to be so untrue to almost everyone about a part of my attitude with them, since i jsut cant show them all like every single fucking time i mingle with them. let say, MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES.

i talk with these guys with this kind off tones, this kindoff act, this kind off gesture, this kindoff  faked emotions.
I TALKED ( OHEMGEE- putting other things aside, i laughed out, loudly when i looked back at the me 4-5 years back)with the girls, using tht kindoff tones, with tht kindoff facts, tht kindoff eye contact, tht kindoff punctuations, tht kindoff irritating laugh.

I LEARNED PSYCHOLOGY. with REAL-LIFE EXP’s and BOOKS.
i listened to real-deal story from the real-deal person.

and they REMEMBER me. once i said hi to them, thts it. well, they are everywhere. (not like globally or nationally EVERYWHERE, its where i have walked my path through)

TRUTHFULLY,

i can only love certain. i tell my bro’s out loud, since its gayish in term of  family-linked society, and i wont tell it out loud to my dad, but sometimes to my mom.

wife? she will be the happiest woman ever lived on earth, i will make sure of tht , for sure. tht is why, i need to sacrifice a little bit more and be patience some more. ( even though, all my previous targets, already lost to their emotions and coupled with other guys/have feelings to others) well, whtsoever. this is my choice. Allah know who’s best for me, and who’s best for her. i am in my JIHAD.

topic: 1000 eyes? well yes. when i speak, i speak truth. ( sometimes i do crack some jokes which have sarcasm it it, but when people cant decipher it, let us consider it as some sort of lies)

errr… so, i dont speak truth, perhaps.oh well, at least i can remember them, without any need of plausible reasons, arguments and reasoning since everything stucked in my head, already. and indeed, people need to clarify it first, with cues off course, or else i might falter with my memories, and linger in limbos.

no one know how i simply dont know how to treat a girl on something and at something.

its even hard for me to even say ‘hi’.

that’s for sure.

not to say , i think i might play cool since we not even meet yet.

well, the introductions was always about me anyway, since this is privately mine. i assume none reading them, but secrets cant even be revealed to the pc, since theres a probability to be hacked, sooner or later in the future time.  so, i will stop my ‘feeling’ for her to this, since :
1) i might be the one who feel this way, but shes not.

2) i wont even leave a single hint tht i liked her.

3) i choose to not let her know this thought of mine at all.

4) she cant read others as well as how i can read others.  and i am unique ,for i choose to act blatantly over things tht people normally assumed as sensitive.
5)i choose to not entertain others at the mean time. let see how far i can go with this kind off attitude.

6)i claim myself to be clairvoyant. how can an egoistic fella in term of affection to others defeated by a single feeling called ‘love’?

well, perhaps the easiest definition on how to decipher this stupid ranting of mine is : i am a philophobia.

and i am sure all people know wht actually phobia means. its  is on a whole new level, downward, of a feeling of insecurity, aversion and fear.

well, i choose to like, to be friend with whom, because im good at waiting. i am so sure of it. especially when there are nothing to run about.

well, whatever. i think its time to relax and meditate again, eat some meats, kick someone balls, shout out loud,  do exercise, and settle down my assignments .