some note to friend and self.

Posted: January 20, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: ,

ada 1 Jun 1965,Tun Sambanthan telah membuat ucapan yang terkenal di Dewan Rakyat:

Now, in 1955 we won the elections with a great majority. Then we obtained freedom in two years time. During this period, we had to discuss citizenship and various other things. Now what did the Malays do – since we are speaking on racial lines – what did the Malay leadership do?

The had 88 percent of the electorate still with them. What did they do with citizenship?If we look around in Asia and East Asia, particularly, you will find that my race the Indian race, is not welcomed in Ceylon, is not welcomed in Burma. Look at my brother Chinese race, it is not welcomed in Thailand, in Vietnam, in Cambodia, in all the other areas. What help do they get for citizenship in all these territories? In Burma, as we know, Indian have been send packing, in Ceylon they refused them citizenship and in Burma it is likewise. I know it, you know it. And yet in Malaya what happened?

Here we found that the Malay leadership said, We shall take them into ourselves as brothers, we shall give them full opportunity to live in this country, we shall give them every opportunity to become citizens.And so, in 1957, for the whole year, we waived language qualifications, and tens of thousand of Indians, Chinese, Ceylonese and others became citizens. As I said, it has been my great good fortune to have born in this country.

Where else can you find a more charitable, a more polite, a more decent race than Malay race? Where else can you get such politically decent treatment for any immigrant race? Where else in the history of the world? I ask you. These are the facts. Who are you to safeguards us? I am 10 percent minority race here. But I am happy here.


Lighten up your speech!

Posted: January 15, 2014 in Uncategorized

How to use stand-up comedy techniques to get laughs.

I recently got a call from a humorist who wanted coaching on his speech for the Toastmasters Humorous Speech Contest. I listened as he presented his material, which was a collection of jokes, half-baked comedy ideas and funny stories about himself. I knew immediately he had three major problems: One, his jokes were funny but they weren’t his; he’d lifted them off the Internet.

Two, his funny stories were about an audience’s least favorite topic — the speaker. And three, his speech didn’t have a message.

Before I write one joke for a speaker, I have to make sure he or she has a message that makes sense, because a confused audience doesn’t laugh. Once a speech is coherent, then I do a comedy pass. Making a great message funny isn’t as hard as it sounds.

I spent 17 years on the road as a headlining comic before I started speaking professionally. Using a few basic comedy formulas, you can add clean, observational punch lines to your speeches. Clean because you want to get paid, and observational because you want to convey confidence and spontaneity.

I can already hear you protesting: “Spontaneous observational humor?! But I’m not a comic!” Here’s the good news: Getting laughs as a speaker is a lot easier than doing stand-up. Speakers aren’t expected to get laughs every 10 seconds, so when you do deliver a funny line, it’s a happy surprise. Plus, using real-time observations wins an audience over. They appreciate being in on the joke. They appreciate your awareness of their surroundings. If you know how to look for it, there’s “funny” happening all around you. There’s funny in the parking lot of the conference center. There’s funny in the hallway as you prepare to go on stage. Hey, take a look in the mirror! Now that’s funny.

So be brave and add these comedy formulas to your speeches.

Formula One: The First 10 Seconds The second you’re introduced, you can go for your first observational laugh by thanking the emcee and pointing out an obvious (and positive) feature about him or her. One time, my emcee had a deep voice. As I walked onstage, I looked right at him and said, “Thank you, Tom. That was a great intro. Let’s give him a hand. (Applause) You have a beautiful voice. I realize now it was you who played Darth Vader.”

You can pretty much ask the audience to applaud anything — and they will. “Let’s have some applause for the dessert chef who gave us cake and pie!”

Like I said earlier, people like to be in on the joke, so mentioning something obvious and inclusive accomplishes that goal. When the audience knows you just made something up, they give you a lot of leeway. So, don’t always plan the first thing you’ll say. Allow for spontaneity as a result of what you observe before you step on stage. It might scare you, but your audience will love you — and that’s a great way to start off your keynote.

For your spontaneous moment, consider the following examples: “Let’s have some applause for …”

•The guy who just fixed the air conditioning, the clogged toilet or the microphone that was squealing a moment before.
•The generous bartender from the party last night.
•The guy on the spotlight who is awake and able to follow me.
•The audience, for surviving three days of meetings.
•The people from Canada, for always being so nice.

Spontaneity is a skill of an experienced speaker. Your ability to risk being spontaneous in the first minute will grow with stage time. But eventually you will need to take this courageous step and trust your instincts. With that said, here’s a quick warning: Always remember you’re the outsider. Be respectful of where your clients live, how they talk and how they may be different from you. You need to be the butt of your own jokes — not your audience. Don’t use your opening for cruel or sarcastic jokes. Like your mother said, “If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say it.” And never, ever diss the person who signs your check.

Formula Two: You Are the Joke Make fun of what the audience is looking at — you! Let’s face it, when a speaker steps onstage, he faces an inherent hostility toward “know-it-alls.” The best way to curb that judgment is to engage in some light-hearted self-mockery. Having the guts to get a laugh at your own expense not only creates laughter, it creates likeability.

Here are a few steps to make light of yourself for laughs:

•Make a list of obvious physical attributes that an audience will notice when you walk onstage; for example: your weight, hairline, age, gender or clothes. Choose something that could be seen as a negative trait. That expanding waistline? It’s your punch line! Anything that makes you different can be comedy gold.

Note that none of these things should be funny, but they should all be authentic. Keep your list focused on things the audience can actually see or notice. “I’m short” is better than “I’m lactose intolerant.”

•Now make a list of the advantages of these negative attributes. For example, looking nerdy: “Ladies, why go for tall, dark and handsome when a nerd like me can fix your computer in a flash?”

Using the lists above, fill in the “I know what you’re thinking” formula: Say “I know what you’re thinking,” act out what the audience is thinking, and then give the advantages of what you’re poking fun of. For instance: “I know what you are thinking. ‘Does she realize her hair’s the same color as a bag of Cheetos?’ Well, there are advantages to having bright orange hair. On the weekends I donate my head to guide planes into the gates at the airport.”

Formula Three: The Mash-Up
This formula is excerpted from my forthcoming book, The Message of You: Turn Your Life Story into a Money-Making Speaking Career.

It’s hard to listen to speakers who drone on and on with lists of information that don’t include a laugh. “I’m from blah blah, I went to school in blah, blah, and I got a degree in blah, blah.” Boring! This is a lost opportunity for a laugh! Here is a way to introduce your credentials that I call “The Mash-Up.” Let’s say you want to tell the audience you’re a nurse and a stand-up comic. All you have to do is add the words “so that means I …” and then add the mash-up of the stereotype.

Let’s do some brainstorming:
Make a list of your ethnicity, parents’ nationalities, your hobbies and your current and past professions.

Pick two of the items you wrote and insert them into the following formula:

“You may not know this, but I’m ______________ and _____________ (or “I’m part this and part that”), so that means I ___________________________.”

For example, “My father is from New York and my mom’s from Texas, so that means … I like my bagels with gravy.” Or,

“I have a degree in astronomy and I’m an actress, so that means … I know exactly why the sun revolves around me.”

Formula Four: The List of Three Three is a magic number in comedy. Using the “List of Three” formula, a comic sets up a pattern with two serious ideas, and then adds a twist on the third. For this formula to work, it’s an absolute necessity that your first two statements be real and serious. You want to lead the audience down a path of sincerity and then surprise them with a joke! You never want them to see the funny coming. The surprise is what makes people laugh. Two easy ways to set up this formula are “Big- Big-Small” and “Small-Small-Big.”

Set Up: Big-Big-Small
“It’s a scary world out there: We’ve got terrorism, the war in Iraq, and … Lindsay Lohan is out of jail.”

Set Up: Small-Small-Big
“There are three subtle clues that your marriage might be over: You’ve stopped sending each other love notes. You’re not kissing as much. Your husband’s new girlfriend has issued a restraining order.”

This formula saved me when I was hired to speak to a cosmetics company and I was told that management had announced there would be no bonuses that year. Management actually asked me to do “something funny with that.” That was a tough assignment! But using a List of Three helped me get a laugh. I observed that right before my keynote, the audience participated in a workshop on conceptual selling. So my list was:

“I understand that you learned today about conceptual selling. That means you aren’t selling lipstick but rather the concept of beauty. It’s not about the mascara but the concept of glamour. And I guess it’s not about the money but the concept of a bonus.”

People literally fell off their chairs. Now, that was observational humor at its most potent! The List of Three is also a great way to make your PowerPoint slides more entertaining. Break your learning points into lists of no more than three bullets, and always have the third slide be a funny surprise.

 So when adding humor to your speech, first have a good message, and then look for opportunities to add laughs using these formulas. After all, laughter is the best medicine for every audience. It’s a feel-good, legal drug. It makes people happy, you don’t need a prescription to use it, and you’ll never get arrested for driving under the influence of it. But best of all, speakers who get laughs connect with their audience, win contests and get booked.

Author: Judy Cater, International Toastmaster


Posted: January 15, 2014 in Uncategorized

Lingua franca: a language that is adopted as a common language between speakers whose native languages are different.

English has been the lingua franca of international commerce since the 16th century. The form of English used most today is Standard North American English (SNAE). SNAE pronunciation and accent patterns are akin to the sound patterns of American jazz. Believe it or not, hearing, learning and using the jazzy stress, rhythm and intonation patterns of SNAE are not difficult skills to learn and use.

Here’s how to do it:

-Develop a great ear. Listen to how things are said.
-Imitate what you hear. Record English-speaking podcasts and radio and TV programs as often as you can. Play them back, while repeatedly stopping them to give yourself time to imitate exactly what you have just heard in exactly the same way it was said.
-Exaggerate to start. Make your sounds big. Make your North American accent sound “over the top.” Then, after a few practices, use a normal voice to say the sounds. You’ll be shocked at how much you’ve improved.
-Don’t be shy. Allow yourself the freedom to play with the sounds. Experiment. Have fun. Try to sound just like the native speakers you hear around you. Remember: Practice makes perfect!

By: Francis L. Thompson 

My wife and I had 12 children over the course of 15 1/2 years. Today, our oldest is 37 and our youngest is 22. I have always had a very prosperous job and enough money to give my kids almost anything. But my wife and I decided not to. 2

I will share with you the things that we did, but first let me tell you the results: All 12 of my children have college degrees (or are in school), and we as parents did not pay for it. Most have graduate degrees. Those who are married have wonderful spouses with the same ethics and college degrees, too. We have 18 grandchildren who are learning the same things that our kids learned—self respect, gratitude, and a desire to give back to society.

We raised our family in Utah, Florida, and California; my wife and I now live in Colorado. In March, we will have been married 40 years. I attribute the love between us as a part of our success with the children. They see a stable home life with a commitment that does not have compromises. 1

Here’s what we did right (we got plenty wrong, too, but that’s another list): 3
Kids had to perform chores from age 3. A 3-year-old does not clean toilets very well but by the time he is 4, it’s a reasonably good job.
They got allowances based on how they did the chores for the week.
We had the children wash their own clothes by the time they turned 8. We assigned them a wash day.
When they started reading, they had to make dinner by reading a recipe. They also had to learn to double a recipe.
The boys and girls had to learn to sew.
Study time

Education was very important in our family.
We had study time from 6 to 8pm every week day. No television, computer, games, or other activities until the two hours were up. If they had no homework, then they read books. For those too young to be in school, we had someone read books to them. After the two hours, they could do whatever they wanted as long as they were in by curfew.
All the kids were required to take every Advanced Placement class there was. We did not let entrance scores be an impediment. We went to the school and demanded our kids be let in. Then we, as parents, spent the time to ensure they had the understanding to pass the class. After the first child, the school learned that we kept our promise that the kids could handle the AP classes.
If children would come home and say that a teacher hated them or was not fair, our response was that you need to find a way to get along. You need find a way to learn the material because in real life, you may have a boss that does not like you. We would not enable children to “blame” the teacher for not learning, but place the responsibility for learning the material back on the child. Of course, we were alongside them for two hours of study a day, for them to ask for help anytime.
Picky eaters not allowed
We all ate dinner and breakfast together. Breakfast was at 5:15am and then the children had to do chores before school. Dinner was at 5:30pm.
More broadly, food was interesting. We wanted a balanced diet, but hated it when we were young and parents made us eat all our food. Sometimes we were full and just did not want to eat anymore. Our rule was to give the kids the food they hated most first (usually vegetables) and then they got the next type of food. They did not have to eat it and could leave the table. If later they complained they were hungry, we would get out that food they did not want to eat, warm it up in the microwave, and provide it to them. Again, they did not have to eat it. But they got no other food until the next meal unless they ate it.
We did not have snacks between meals. We always had the four food groups (meat, dairy, grain, fruits and vegetables) and nearly always had dessert of some kind. To this day, our kids are not afraid to try different foods, and have no allergies to foods. They try all kinds of new foods and eat only until they are full. Not one of our kids is even a little bit heavy. They are thin, athletic, and very healthy. With 12 kids, you would think that at least one would have some food allergies or food special needs. (I am not a doctor.)
All kids had to play some kind of sport. They got to choose, but choosing none was not an option. We started them in grade school. We did not care if it was swimming, football, baseball, fencing, tennis, etc. and did not care if they chose to change sports. But they had to play something.
All kids had to be in some kind of club: Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, history, drama, etc.
They were required to provide community service. We would volunteer within our community and at church. For Eagle Scout projects, we would have the entire family help. Once we collected old clothes and took them to Mexico and passed them out. The kids saw what life was like for many families and how their collections made them so happy and made a difference.
When the kids turned 16, we bought each a car. The first one learned what that meant. As the tow truck pulled a once “new” car into the driveway, my oldest proclaimed: “Dad, it is a wreck!” I said, “Yes, but a 1965 Mustang fastback wreck. Here are the repair manuals. Tools are in the garage. I will pay for every part, but will not pay for LABOR.” Eleven months later, the car had a rebuilt engine, rebuilt transmission, newly upholstered interior, a new suspension system, and a new coat of paint. My daughter (yes, it was my daughter) had one of the hottest cars at high school. And her pride that she built it was beyond imaginable. (As a side note, none of my kids ever got a ticket for speeding, even though no car had less than 450 horsepower.)
We as parents allowed kids to make mistakes. Five years before the 16th birthday and their “new” car gift, they had to help out with our family cars. Once I asked my son, Samuel, to change the oil and asked if he needed help or instruction. “No, Dad, I can do it.” An hour later, he came in and said, “Dad, does it take 18 quarts of oil to change the oil?” I asked where did he put 18 quarts of oil when normally only five were needed. His response: “That big screw on top at the front of the engine.” I said “You mean the radiator?” Well, he did not get into trouble for filling the radiator with oil. He had to drain it, we bought a radiator flush, put in new radiator fluid, and then he had to change the real oil. We did not ground him or give him any punishment for doing it “wrong.” We let the lesson be the teaching tool. Our children are not afraid to try something new. They were trained that if they do something wrong they will get not get punished. It often cost us more money, but we were raising kids, not saving money.
The kids each got their own computer, but had to build it. I bought the processor, memory, power supply, case, keyboard, hard drive, motherboard, and mouse. They had to put it together and load the software on. This started when they were 12.
We let the children make their own choices, but limited. For example, do you want to go to bed now or clean your room? Rarely, did we give directives that were one way, unless it dealt with living the agreed-upon family rules. This let the child feel that she had some control over life.
In it together
We required the children to help each other. When a fifth grader is required to read 30 minutes a day, and a first grader is required to be read to 30 minutes a day, have one sit next to the other and read. Those in high school calculus tutored those in algebra or grade-school math.
We assigned an older child to a younger child to teach them and help them accomplish their weekly chores.
We let the children be a part of making the family rules. For example, the kids wanted the rule that no toys were allowed in the family room. The toys had to stay either in the bedroom or playroom. In addition to their chores, they had to all clean their bedroom every day (or just keep it clean in the first place). These were rules that the children wanted. We gave them a chance each month to amend or create new rules. Mom and Dad had veto power of course.
We tried to be always consistent. If they had to study two hours every night, we did not make an exception to it. Curfew was 10pm during school nights and midnight on non-school nights. There were no exceptions to the rules.
Vacation policy
We would take family vacations every summer for two or three weeks. We could afford a hotel, or cruise, but did not choose those options. We went camping and backpacking. If it rained, then we would figure out how to backpack in the rain and survive. We would set up a base camp at a site with five or six tents, and I would take all kids age 6 or older on a three- to five-day backpack trip. My wife would stay with the little ones. Remember, for 15 years, she was either pregnant or just had a baby. My kids and I hiked across the Grand Canyon, to the top of Mount Whitney, across the Continental Divide, across Yosemite.
We would send kids via airplane to relatives in Europe or across the US for two or three weeks at a time. We started this when they were in kindergarten. It would take special treatment for the airlines to take a 5-year-old alone on the plane and required people on the other end to have special documentation. We only sent the kids if they wanted to go. However, with the younger ones seeing the older ones travel, they wanted to go. The kids learned from an early age that we, as parents, were always there for them, but would let them grow their own wings and fly.
Money and materialism
Even though we have sufficient money, we have not helped the children buy homes, pay for education, pay for weddings (yes, we do not pay for weddings either). We have provided extensive information on how to do it or how to buy rental units and use equity to grow wealth. We do not “give” things to our children but we give them information and teach them “how” to do things. We have helped them with contacts in corporations, but they have to do the interviews and “earn” the jobs.
We give birthday and Christmas presents to the kids. We would play Santa Claus but as they got older, and would ask about it, we would not lie. We would say it is a game we play and it is fun. We did and do have lists for items that each child would like for presents. Then everyone can see what they want. With the internet, it is easy to send such lists around to the children and grandchildren. Still, homemade gifts are often the favorite of all.
The real world
We loved the children regardless of what they did. But would not prevent consequences of any of their actions. We let them suffer consequences and would not try to mitigate the consequences because we saw them suffering. We would cry and be sad, but would not do anything to reduce the consequences of their actions.

We were and are not our kids’ best friends. We were their parents.

As Bar, Barred

Posted: January 6, 2014 in Uncategorized




Katakan hal yg baik selama sehari, kamu ingat pesanan selama sehari, kekal sampai dinihari?
katakan hal yang pelik selama seminggu, kamu ingat orang itu boleh kenal sifatmu?
katakan hal yang jahil selama sebulan, kamu ingat mudah mereka putus asa dengan kejahatan?

We need to thrust out all possibilities of people positivity, without ever judging and deeming for results.
Siapa sangka usaha dia jenis kekal, but he conceal it for the benefits of many.

tuan-tuan dari marhaen kerap kali berbicara dan requoute phrase ni:

” kalau kau takut buat baik depan orang, kau riak- sebab bukan buat demi Allah! ”

wait the minutes….ada benda tak kena sebenanrnya, bila cakap hal ini tanpa selami inti sejarah quote ini dikeluarkan.. perasan atau tidak?

hal pertama muslim itu kekal islamnya adalah bilamana dia sedar, dalam setiap pengakuan syahadahnya, Allah mana yg Esa, Muhammad yang mana pesuruhnya!

sekiranya hal ini tidak utuh, tuan dengan senan-lenang assume orang terbabit boleh tidak riak( syirik khofi) bila melakukan amalan perhambaan demi redha Ilahi.

Dakwah ini bukan kerana result, dakwah ini sifat dia perkongsian.

hikmah bukan buat-buat, hikmah adalah habits. habits adalah perangai, dan perangai adalah attitude.
Attitude mana?

ASBAR dalam berpesan dan berkongsi hal hal kebaikan. bila tarbiyah dicikgu-muridkan, bukan dikawan-sahabatkan,
maka natijahnya, tuan akan mula menghukum mendahului Tuhan.

Source: Forbes
Author: Amy Morin(  a licensed clinical social worker in Lincoln, Maine. In addition to working as a psychotherapist, she is also an adjunct college psychology instructor and she serves as’s Parenting Teens expert.)



Psychology often discusses mental health — but what’s not often discussed is a clear definition of mental strength. To me, mental strength means that you regulate your emotions, manage your thoughts, and behave in a positive manner, despite your circumstances. Developing mental strength is about finding the courage to live according to your values and being bold enough to create your own definition of success.

Mental strength involves more than just willpower; it requires hard work and commitment. It’s about establishing healthy habits and choosing to devote your time and energy to self-improvement.

Although it’s easier to feel mentally strong when life seems simple — often, true mental strength becomes most apparent in the midst of tragedy. Choosing to develop skills that increase your mental strength is the best way to prepare for life’s inevitable obstacles.

Many exercises exist that can help you develop mental strength. But here are five that can get you started:

1. Evaluate Your Core Beliefs
We’ve all developed core beliefs about ourselves, our lives and the world in general. Core beliefs develop over time and largely depend upon our past experiences. Whether you’re aware of your core beliefs or not, they influence your thoughts, your behavior and emotions.

Sometimes, core beliefs are inaccurate and unproductive. For example, if you believe that you’ll never succeed in life, you may be less apt to apply for new jobs — and inadvertently, you may not present yourself well on job interviews. Therefore, your core beliefs may become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Identify and evaluate your core beliefs. Look for beliefs that are black and white, and then find exceptions to the rule. Very few things in life are “always” or “never” true. Modifying core beliefs requires purposeful intention and hard work, but it can change the entire course of your life.

2. Expend Your Mental Energy Wisely
Wasting brain power ruminating about things you can’t control drains mental energy quickly. The more you think about negative problems that you can’t solve, the less energy you’ll have leftover for creative endeavors. For example, sitting and worrying about the weather forecast isn’t helpful. If a major storm is headed your way, worrying about it won’t prevent it. You can, however, choose to prepare for it. Focus on what is only within your control.

Save your mental energy for productive tasks, such as solving problems or setting goals.When your thoughts aren’t productive, make a conscious effort to shift your mental energy to more helpful topics. The more you practice expending your mental energy wisely, the more it will become a habit.

3. Replace Negative Thoughts with Productive Thoughts
Although most of us don’t spend time thinking about our thoughts, increasing your awareness of your thinking habits proves useful in building resilience. Exaggerated, negative thoughts, such as, “I can’t ever do anything right,” hold you back from reaching your full potential. Catch your negative thoughts before they spiral out of control and influence your behavior.

Identify and replace overly negative thoughts with thoughts that are more productive. Productive thoughts don’t need to be extremely positive, but should be realistic. A more balanced thought may be, “I have some weaknesses, but I also have plenty of strengths.” Changing your thoughts requires constant monitoring, but the process can be instrumental in helping you become your best self.

4. Practice Tolerating Discomfort
Being mentally strong doesn’t mean you don’t experience emotions. In fact, mental strength requires you to become acutely aware of your emotions so you can make the best choice about how to respond. Mental strength is about accepting your feelings without being controlled by them.

Mental strength also involves an understanding of when it makes sense to behave contrary to your emotions. For example, if you experience anxiety that prevents you from trying new things or accepting new opportunities, try stepping out of your comfort zone if you want to continue to challenge yourself. Tolerating uncomfortable emotions takes practice, but it becomes easier as your confidence grows.

Practice behaving like the person you’d like to become. Instead of saying, “I wish I could be more outgoing,” choose to behave in a more outgoing manner, whether you feel like it or not. Some discomfort is often necessary for greater gain, and tolerating that discomfort will help make your vision a reality, one small step at a time.

5. Reflect on Your Progress Daily
Today’s busy world doesn’t lend itself to making much time available for quiet reflection. Create time to reflect upon your progress toward developing mental strength. At the end of each day, ask yourself what you’ve learned about your thoughts, emotions and behavior. Consider what you hope to improve upon or accomplish tomorrow.

Developing mental strength is a work in progress. There is always room for improvement, and at times this will seem more difficult than at other times. Reflecting upon your progress can reinforce your ability to reach your definition of success while living according to your values.

Author: Amy Morin
Source: Forbes
or all the time executives spend concerned about physical strength and health, when it comes down to it, mental strength can mean even more. Particularly for entrepreneurs, numerous articles talk about critical characteristics of mental strength—tenacity, “grit,” optimism, and an unfailing ability as Forbes contributor David Williams says, to “fail up.”

However, we can also define mental strength by identifying the things mentally strong individuals don’t do. Over the weekend, I was impressed by this list compiled by Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker, that she shared in LifeHack. It impressed me enough I’d also like to share her list here along with my thoughts on how each of these items is particularly applicable to entrepreneurs.

1. Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves. You don’t see mentally strong people feeling sorry for their circumstances or dwelling on the way they’ve been mistreated. They have learned to take responsibility for their actions and outcomes, and they have an inherent understanding of the fact that frequently life is not fair. They are able to emerge from trying circumstances with self-awareness and gratitude for the lessons learned. When a situation turns out badly, they respond with phrases such as “Oh, well.” Or perhaps simply, “Next!”

2. Give Away Their Power. Mentally strong people avoid giving others the power to make them feel inferior or bad. They understand they are in control of their actions and emotions. They know their strength is in their ability to manage the way they respond.

3. Shy Away from Change. Mentally strong people embrace change and they welcome challenge. Their biggest “fear,” if they have one, is not of the unknown, but of becoming complacent and stagnant. An environment of change and even uncertainty can energize a mentally strong person and bring out their best.

4. Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control. Mentally strong people don’t complain (much) about bad traffic, lost luggage, or especially about other people, as they recognize that all of these factors are generally beyond their control. In a bad situation, they recognize that the one thing they can always control is their own response and attitude, and they use these attributes well.

5. Worry About Pleasing Others. Know any people pleasers? Or, conversely, people who go out of their way to dis-please others as a way of reinforcing an image of strength? Neither position is a good one. A mentally strong person strives to be kind and fair and to please others where appropriate, but is unafraid to speak up. They are able to withstand the possibility that someone will get upset and will navigate the situation, wherever possible, with grace.

6. Fear Taking Calculated Risks. A mentally strong person is willing to take calculated risks. This is a different thing entirely than jumping headlong into foolish risks. But with mental strength, an individual can weigh the risks and benefits thoroughly, and will fully assess the potential downsides and even the worst-case scenarios before they take action.

7. Dwell on the Past. There is strength in acknowledging the past and especially in acknowledging the things learned from past experiences—but a mentally strong person is able to avoid miring their mental energy in past disappointments or in fantasies of the “glory days” gone by. They invest the majority of their energy in creating an optimal present and future.

8. Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over. We all know the definition of insanity, right? It’s when we take the same actions again and again while hoping for a different and better outcome than we’ve gotten before. A mentally strong person accepts full responsibility for past behavior and is willing to learn from mistakes. Research shows that the ability to be self-reflective in an accurate and productive way is one of the greatest strengths of spectacularly successful executives and entrepreneurs.

9. Resent Other People’s Success. It takes strength of character to feel genuine joy and excitement for other people’s success. Mentally strong people have this ability. They don’t become jealous or resentful when others succeed (although they may take close notes on what the individual did well). They are willing to work hard for their own chances at success, without relying on shortcuts.

10. Give Up After Failure. Every failure is a chance to improve. Even the greatest entrepreneurs are willing to admit that their early efforts invariably brought many failures. Mentally strong people are willing to fail again and again, if necessary, as long as the learning experience from every “failure” can bring them closer to their ultimate goals.

11. Fear Alone Time. Mentally strong people enjoy and even treasure the time they spend alone. They use their downtime to reflect, to plan, and to be productive. Most importantly, they don’t depend on others to shore up their happiness and moods. They can be happy with others, and they can also be happy alone.

12. Feel the World Owes Them Anything. Particularly in the current economy, executives and employees at every level are gaining the realization that the world does not owe them a salary, a benefits package and a comfortable life, regardless of their preparation and schooling. Mentally strong people enter the world prepared to work and succeed on their merits, at every stage of the game.

13. Expect Immediate Results. Whether it’s a workout plan, a nutritional regimen, or starting a business, mentally strong people are “in it for the long haul”. They know better than to expect immediate results. They apply their energy and time in measured doses and they celebrate each milestone and increment of success on the way. They have “staying power.” And they understand that genuine changes take time. Do you have mental strength? Are there elements on this list you need more of? With thanks to Amy Morin, I would like to reinforce my own abilities further in each of these areas today. How about you?